There are a few things we need to address.
First, I want you to know I love you both very much. How could I not? You're both freaking adorable.
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| See? Freaking adorable. |
But I'm starting to have some concerns about......well.....your brains.
You see, every Monday to Friday, the mailman comes to our front door. Every Monday to Friday, he slips something (usually bills) through the mail slot on that door. Every Monday to Friday, the mail slot makes a tiny noise when it closes. And every Monday to Friday, YOU BARK YOUR LITTLE HEADS OFF WHEN THAT HAPPENS. I could understand if, for example, that little mail slot sound was followed by a monster jumping out from behind the couch and yelling "ARGLEBLARGLEBLARGH!" and then stealing each of your 7,000,000 doggie toys, but that never happens. NOTHING ever happens. Yet you both bark. Every. Single. Time.
I'm also a little concerned about your selective hearing problem. If I say the word "treat," you both launch yourself through the air like tiny, furry rockets in my direction. If I say "walk," you fire toward the door like little hair-torpedos. But if I say "get off the couch," you look at me like I've just said something you have never heard before in your entire life -- which is not true, because I say those exact words FIVE HUNDRED TIMES A DAY.
So, while you are both very cute and wonderful dogs, I feel that we really need to iron out these two little issues. Once we've fixed that, we can move on to discussing how yanking at the end of your leash until you gag will not make me go faster when I take you for a walk.
Love,
The Person Who Feeds You
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