When I Rule the World.......

Someday, I fully intend to be in charge of the world.  I haven't quite figured out how I'm going to do it, but I'm pretty sure I can pull it off.  And when I do, some things are going to change.

1.  Weather

When I look out the window and see sunshine and little fluffy clouds, my brain goes "OOH!  It looks nice out!  It must be nice out!  I'm going to wear a skirt and sandals!"  And then I go outside in a skirt and sandals, and it's -75 Celsius.  So when I'm in charge of the world, the sky will have to be honest about the weather.  If it's cold out, all clouds must look like this:

That way, I will know that even though the sun is shining, it is actually gross and cold and horrible outside and I shouldn't wear sandals.  Yes, I suppose I could just check The Weather Network to see what the temperature is, but that seems like an awful lot of work.


2.  Bad Drivers

If you cut me off/don't signal/throw something out your window and it hits my car, I get to paint your car like THIS and make you drive it through the city's toughest neighbourhoods:

3. Shopping Carts

When I'm in charge of the world, licences will be required in order to operate a shopping cart.  Why?  Because I'm sick of hobbling out of the grocery store with dented legs every time I need to pick up milk.


4. George Clooney

He has to do what I say.  If I want him to do my laundry, George Clooney has to do my laundry.  If I want him to walk my dogs, George Clooney has to walk my dogs.  If I want him to sit on my couch and look handsome, George Clooney has to sit on my couch and look handsome.

Well done, George.  You follow orders well.

5. Candy

I get all of it.  I might share it with you, if I'm feeling generous.

Mine.  ALL MINE.